[ because ikea is so big, he does let himself feel a hell of a lot more than he would elsewhere. so yeah... he's been caught, and he just nods quietly. ]
His body, yeah. Blood on the floor too, by the door. Like maybe he was dragged in, I don't know. It trailed off pretty light.
[ his fingers just curl up into some of the fabric of the couch he's on. ]
[ he clenches his fingers tighter in the couch, drawing his legs up to his chest. he's just a knot of emotions right now, trying to keep it together. he swallows tightly, taking in that brief spike, feeling it. ]
... What about you? Fukuzawa said a bottle or something was missing?
[ he nods quietly, a quiet anger burning deep in his chest as he thinks about the literal fucking audacity.
but also last week was a lesson in losing hope. slowly he sinks back. he wants to be a void, that would be easier maybe, but instead he's holding his own hands until his knuckles go white. ]
I hate this. Haven't said it enough I think.
[ this isn't a game, he wants to find somewhere to scream maybe. ]
There are better things that anger right now... [ eiden feels like he doesn't believe himself when he says that, he is resolved. that, and the ache of sadness has swollen up between his ribs and made a home there. ]
If I start getting angry all the time... I might never stop. That's how it was when I was a kid. I can't go back to that.
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His body, yeah. Blood on the floor too, by the door. Like maybe he was dragged in, I don't know. It trailed off pretty light.
[ his fingers just curl up into some of the fabric of the couch he's on. ]
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I see. So it could have been a kindness then, to let Buzen die next to Matsui.
[he says kindness like the word is poison, smiling a little as if the thought is especially humorous, though his eyes are blank.]
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... What about you? Fukuzawa said a bottle or something was missing?
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[he doesn't sit down, just keeps standing,]
Do you know if Buzen went to the salon at all this week?
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I don't, I went with a few people, but I don't know if he has the patience for that sort of thing.
[ gotta go fast who has time for beauty???? ]
Either he ended up there last night, or whoever else was awake with him did... huh.
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He wouldn't have let them do anything else, even if it was a human or a child. Not on Thursday night.
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but also last week was a lesson in losing hope. slowly he sinks back. he wants to be a void, that would be easier maybe, but instead he's holding his own hands until his knuckles go white. ]
I hate this. Haven't said it enough I think.
[ this isn't a game, he wants to find somewhere to scream maybe. ]
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[or be overwhelmed with grief. rang thinks matsui has prepared him well in that, if nothing else]
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I don't want to be... I...
[ there's something very uncertain. ]
There are better things that anger right now... [ eiden feels like he doesn't believe himself when he says that, he is resolved. that, and the ache of sadness has swollen up between his ribs and made a home there. ]
If I start getting angry all the time... I might never stop. That's how it was when I was a kid. I can't go back to that.
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I wouldn't have ever guessed that, just by looking at you now.
What made you so angry as a child?