🎧 homophonic | pcs | yukichi (fukuzawa)

[silicone]

There's no need to fear the past. The past is just a memory.

(in retrospect i regret my choice of filter name)

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[allmenare]

[It's not bad, exactly, Fukuzawa isn't mad at him or anything. Feelings are feelings, he would never admonish someone for their feelings. Being the object of those feelings, however, makes him feel embarrassed and insecure. A small part of him feels happy, but that part is overridden by negative thoughts.]

I don't pick partners well, and I drive away anyone who gets close. I'm...I can't be what you need. I'm sorry.

[Also, going unsaid: he's afraid of fucking things up again. His fear is stronger than red string magic this time.]

[silicone]

Hey. It's a crush, not a commitment or anything... it's not something I'm asking you to reciprocate. Promise.

[ a beat. eiden is very good at talking about his feelings that matter, feelings that glom onto other people. he might have been texting with someone and mentioned letting this feeling Fester and Die because it's silly and totally dumb but he had to go and say it so now he's just remembering to breathe. ]

I've really enjoyed spending time with you and I want to keep spending time with you... if that's okay. I want you to tell me why you don't pick partners well or... why you feel like you have to push people away when they choose to be near you.

[ he hovers with uncertainty. ]

[allmenare]

...alright. If it's just your feelings, then that will be fine.

[He's still struggling a bit but he can't be mad at how someone feels. As long as nothing is expected of him, then this will be fine. Probably.

He sees the hovering though, so he sighs.]

You can stay, it's fine. I'm not mad.

[That, at least, is a genuine feeling. No red strings attached. Watch him dodge the question about why he's pushing people away though.]

[silicone]

... Fukuzawa.

[ he frowns. it says it all. "don't dodge my question!" ]

[allmenare]

[He makes a face.]

I would rather not talk about that. None of it was during good times in my life.

[silicone]

That bad...?

[ he lets out a soft breath, but he accepts that. ]

... Alright, well. I'm the last person to press on that kind of thing. But that doesn't mean I'm just going to fuck off... okay?

[allmenare]

I wouldn't expect you to.

[He'll pause, and then he pats Eiden on the head.]

There's nothing wrong with you or your feelings, don't feel like this is your fault.

[Past baggage.]

[silicone]

[ he huffs and takes his hand, the one that's patting him on the head. he'll just hold it in his. ]

I'm not taking it personally. I promise.

[ he glances down between them. ]

I get it, though. There's not much I can really offer you anyways. I... [ at this point, he's figured it out, and it sucks—and he wants to pursue this. maybe. if his own emotions will let him come monday next week (spoiler alert, they will). a shrug.

they're going to die, but for some reason, he doesn't feel as afraid, standing here. his pulse is hammering. ]

I just... maybe want to know what happened. That's all.

[allmenare]

[He really doesn't want to go into the nitty gritty details of what happened. That's for memshare week. But he can offer a little bit at least.]

...

It is often the case that I think someone is a good person and open myself up to trusting them, but years down the line I find out how rotten they actually are.

[silicone]

[ that's honestly all he needs to hear (bc i want memshares). this is good enough for him for now. he knows they're... still basically strangers. maybe. ]

... That's a hard thing to go through.

[ shakes his head ]

Thank you for telling me... it can be hard to admit to anything like that.

[allmenare]

[It's hard to say anything about himself, and he knows why.]

Let me say that I don't think you're a bad person. It's just hard to move on.

[silicone]

[ he nods firmly. ]

Of course.

[ maybe he feels reassured just a little. ]

Well. I don't really think I'm going anywhere. Unless... [ quick shrug. he's not naive. he knows what could happen. ] So get used to me, okay Fukuzawa?

[allmenare]

[This is fine. He can accept this.]

I don't expect you to go anywhere. You can stay.