Buy three bottles of wine and a toy Lamborghini. We'll burn them tomorrow for him.
[ it's a playful joke, melancholic as it is, dark as the world is, but he also means it. some remembrance to the dead.
but -
he didn't listen to fei du complain about not having ice cream for weeks, that froyo was a poor substitute, that milkshakes weren't quite right, for him to not fixate on the fucking stain. ]
It was for points. Points to bring people back, for worlds to be safe. I get it, but - they let Yakumo take the fall for Shenhe. They took Shenhe and didn't own up to the fact, and then tried to pull the same stunt that landed Hot Mess where it did.
[ and he could think about it more. he could try to rationalize that they'll be down to two, tomorrow, unless they wipe each other out like BDSM was. but his focus goes to eiden immediately, a second sense, and - ]
Eiden, darling, you have to breathe. Steady, steady.
[ it's a joke, but it seems fitting enough, eiden will take it seriously anyways. wine for fei du. wine for insufferable shen qingqiu. he'll bring other offerings. ]
Shenhe and Yakumo... Fei Du and Shen Qingqiu... I don't regret anything. Not how I voted, not how we managed to play the game today. It was terrible, but we had to do it. It couldn't go on. Lying to our faces every day, every day, for stupid points.
[ fukuzawa... zelda... someone else tomorrow. he can't breathe and wenzhou is right there. he's gritting his teeth, trying not to bite his tongue as he digs his fingers in. he doesn't know how to get rid of this kind of pain or anger. not since he was little—something oinks in the bushes of the void:
You find yourself in one fight, and then another. One kid dares to say that your attitude is the reason you'll never be adopted, word for word. In a fit of rage, you pummel his nose with your tiny fists and forcefully push him into the sandbox. Tears stream down your face as you cram as many gritty granules as possible into the kid's mouth. There are some inquiring parents nearby, playing with another child, and they murmur to each other while looking in your direction.
You end up in the corner of the director's office, with band-aids falling off your hands and knees and a trickle of blood from your nose. This is your corner, you own it, and you're the only one ever there, or so it feels.
You're consumed by anger.
You're plagued by frustration and sadness.
And you feel utterly alone.
-
"Eiden..." the director then says softly. "Do you believe there's a way to overcome your unhappiness?"
-
“I'm always going to have times when I feel down, but that's only going to push me to work even harder to find happiness. So I don't really need to eliminate those feelings of unhappiness... I just have to try to create even more feelings of happiness and make each day better than the last..."
he just sobs, fingers trembling.. ]
I'm breathing. I'm okay. I'm here... I...
I keep thinking about Shen Qingqiu. Someone bashed his head in. From behind. It was all over my hand... the glove... I could still feel it.
[ it was weird, slick, terrible. the inward press of bone, the sickening realization something was wrong. ]
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no subject
[ it's a playful joke, melancholic as it is, dark as the world is, but he also means it. some remembrance to the dead.
but -
he didn't listen to fei du complain about not having ice cream for weeks, that froyo was a poor substitute, that milkshakes weren't quite right, for him to not fixate on the fucking stain. ]
It was for points. Points to bring people back, for worlds to be safe. I get it, but - they let Yakumo take the fall for Shenhe. They took Shenhe and didn't own up to the fact, and then tried to pull the same stunt that landed Hot Mess where it did.
[ and he could think about it more. he could try to rationalize that they'll be down to two, tomorrow, unless they wipe each other out like BDSM was. but his focus goes to eiden immediately, a second sense, and - ]
Eiden, darling, you have to breathe. Steady, steady.
no subject
[ it's a joke, but it seems fitting enough, eiden will take it seriously anyways. wine for fei du. wine for insufferable shen qingqiu. he'll bring other offerings. ]
Shenhe and Yakumo... Fei Du and Shen Qingqiu... I don't regret anything. Not how I voted, not how we managed to play the game today. It was terrible, but we had to do it. It couldn't go on. Lying to our faces every day, every day, for stupid points.
[ fukuzawa... zelda... someone else tomorrow. he can't breathe and wenzhou is right there. he's gritting his teeth, trying not to bite his tongue as he digs his fingers in. he doesn't know how to get rid of this kind of pain or anger. not since he was little—something oinks in the bushes of the void: he just sobs, fingers trembling.. ]
I'm breathing. I'm okay. I'm here... I...
I keep thinking about Shen Qingqiu. Someone bashed his head in. From behind. It was all over my hand... the glove... I could still feel it.
[ it was weird, slick, terrible. the inward press of bone, the sickening realization something was wrong. ]